9 Things Mothers Need to do for Their Kids

Today, mothers are faced with a lot of challenges, one of the biggest challenges is finding out what you should be doing as a parent to raise healthy, well-balanced, and happy children.

 The challenges of 'the existing times' have made it quite difficult to stick to one parenting style. It is quite difficult for mothers to juggle home, children’s needs, other responsibilities, and personal duties. Mothers often face the worry about the kind of parenting style to choose to raise healthy and responsible citizens who contribute positively towards society.

The good thing is, there is no ONE right way to parenting. You try and see what works for you and your family.

You already know that maintaining a healthy and balanced parent-child relationship is essential to a child’s emotional and mental health. It builds a strong foundation for a child’s development and equips them with lifelong abilities. A healthy parent involvement helps to foster a child’s decision-making skills. Children with engaged parents tend to demonstrate more optimistic and confident traits. Strong parent-child bonds have longstanding effects on the overall physical, mental, and emotional development of a child.

But how do we build such a relationship with our children? In this article we have gathered 9 ways for mothers to build strong relationship with their child/children. These are tried and tested ways mother can get closer to their children and ensure they have the inside track when it comes to parenting like pros. Although there is no such thing as a Pro Parent but still we gotta try right!

Now, there is no doubt that Mothers play THE MOST important role in a child’s life.

Studies have shown that children who have happy childhoods and healthy relationships with their parents are:

1. More secure and confident

2. Better at developing and maintaining relationships as children and as adults

3. More likely to overcome academic and social challenges

4. Stronger at problem solving

5. Better at coping with disappointments 

A child who feels supported is more likely to open-up and share.

 Here are 9 ways moms can use to build stronger relationships with their children.

1. Children should know they are loved, no matter what!

2. Reinforce the good in them

3. Apologize

4. Set boundaries

5. Relate and empathize

6. Be there when it matters.

7. Be their safety net

8. communicate

9. Be nice!

1-    Children should know they are loved, no matter what!

Say it! Spray it. Embed it in their friggin minds.

Moms can provide a sense of security and belonging to a child. Children NEED to know that they BELONG.

They need to feel secure, that they are an essential part of the family. Mothers NEED to be affectionate and loving in actions AND in words. Tell your child how much you LOVE them. Show them how much they mean to you. Take advantage of each opportunity to spend quality time with them. Be warm and affectionate. Smile at them, talk to them at their level, hug them and encourage every chance of interaction with them.

Now having said all that. How do you do it and when?

Tell them how much you love them in the morning, before they leave for school and at night, just before bed. Make it a habit. Tell them how much you missed them when they come back from school.

I love baking and as much fun it is to do alone and in peace, I try to do it with my son since he was little. I always tell him how much I need his help because no one can beat those eggs the way he does or how he gets the best shaped cookies each time. These little things mean a lot to him. He thinks I NEED him and now he makes all the occasional cakes with me thinking I can’t possibly do it without him.

MAKE STUFF UP!

“I really missed you when I was thinking about what to make for lunch today, so I made your favorite”

“I really missed you at the store today, when I was in the snack isle, coz you always know what snacks to get for everyone”

“I got really bored today, I wished you were here so we could have one of our talks”

 Make them feel important and needed. They will always remember the little things they get to do for you. And they will also always remember the appreciation you give them.

2-   Reinforce the good in them

Children usually see themselves from the mother’s eyes and believe what their mom tells them. A child who is constantly told that she is strong and important will go on to have higher self-esteem and confidence. On the other hand, if a child is told she is not strong or not good at things will go on to have insecurities and lower self-esteem. So, it is important to Celebrate a child wins no matter how little they may be. Be sure tell them when they do something good, reinforce all their strengths, make them know what they excel at. Get a celebratory cupcake if they score well on a test or when they hit a goal or just because they made a new friend.

Remember, Thomas Edison grew up believing he was a genius, just because his mother told him he was. She told him he was too bright and the teacher at his school could not teach him as he was at a much higher intelligence level than the other students. When in fact, the teacher had written the exact opposite, telling his mother that he was ‘addled(confused)’ and their school did not want to teach him.

This story tells how just how much important a mother’s role is in building a child’s personality. Being a mother, you can either make or break them. Your belief in them will result in children building confidence and higher self-esteem. And confident people attract success and positivity, wouldn’t you agree? They care less about others’ opinions since they have a stronger foundation and self-assurance.

3- Apologize:

It is very important to exhibit the same behavior that we preach to our children. When you make a mistake, it is crucial to own up to it and apologize.  It is common for parents to share their triumphs with children but omit telling children about their mistakes and failures. This feeling of having a seemingly perfect parent can put a lot of unspoken pressure on a child. So, it is important to let a child know when you make a mistake.

Explain to your child what you did wrong and give an honest apology. Try to make it up to them in some meaningful way. This admission of the mistake helps a child to understand that there is no shame in making mistakes. And your attempt at redemption, normalizes consequential repercussions that come with making mistakes.

Next time, the child makes a mistake, they are more likely to take responsibility for their actions and accept the consequences that follow as well.

Just the other day, I gave my son a huge lecture on how he shouldn’t focus on his sister’s mistakes and NEVER talk about her mistakes in front of others. But then I made the same mistake the very next day, and upon realization, I made sure he knew how sorry he was.  I promised him I would try my best not to repeat the same thing AND I bought him his favorite chocolate as an apologetic gesture.

4- Set boundaries:

You must have heard this a million times. “SET BOUNDARIES”

Each family is different and has a different set of values and principles, so the boundaries vary from family to family. You should start off with setting boundaries at an earlier age. At a younger age, the boundaries will be simple and easy to understand and from there any parent can progress as the children grow.

Now, Boundaries not only help the children to understand the Do’s and Don’ts but also help with independent decision making. When children know their limitations, they are more likely to independent decisions accordingly when faced with a confusing situation. As a mother be firm and communicate the set boundaries CLEARLY. Clarity is key here. If children are not clear on do’s and don’ts, how will they ever behave accordingly,

For e.g., in my house my there is ‘a NO lying policy’. My kids know that if they ever mess up, get in a fight or do absolutely ANYTHING wrong, they will be let off the hook more easily if they tell the truth. As a mom, I stick to my word and not get upset when they screw up. I try to remain calm and appreciate them coming clean. I make sure they know that the ONLY reason they aren’t being reprimanded is because of their honesty. Sticking to this practice since my children were little has led them to come to me themselves when they do something wrong, instead of me finding out about it later or through anyone else.  

5-   Relate and empathize

This is super important. A lot of times, a child may have a problem and they may feel too embarrassed or ashamed to talk about it. When children are bothered or disturbed, they may ask for a parent’s attention directly but many a times they do not. Often children don’t even realize that something is bothering them. They might exhibit their frustration/confusion/ disappointment in odd behaviors. For that, the mom is the best judge.

Mommies, pick up on their emotional cues and show your availability. Acknowledge their feelings and try to see the situation from their eyes. Sometimes, even a supermom might not be able to help the child with a problem. So, instead of trying to solve a specific problem, it is more important to UNDERSTAND the feelings of a child and help them to overcome the situation. Give emotional support in any way possible.

Here are some ways to help a child overcome a unsolvable problem.

1- Relate to them; When a child is having a tough time with something, they might feel isolated thinking that the problem is somehow their fault. It can be a social problem such as bullying or being unable to make friends. Its quite embarrassing for the child to talk about this stuff. Even having such a problem is hard on them. they may think that nobody around them is having that same problem. This makes them feel isolated and alone. Talk to them about the issue. Validate their feelings.

Listen to them respectfully and empathetically. Verbally acknowledge their feelings. Tel them, “I bet that feels so frustrating” or “You won’t believe it but this happened to me when…”. Normalize the problem gradually for them. Let them know that their problem is more common than they might think.

Try and relate something similar from your own past to make them feel heard and understood. DON’T tell them to move on or just brush it off. That will create a communication gap. Not being heard would frustrate them even more and for them, that would be it!!! They won’t be sharing this problem with you anymore.

So, open up, communicate, talk and share as much as you can. Start the process. Sharing a similar personal experience and becoming relatable at such a time will help the child to reassess their problem. This will make it easier for the child to look beyond the problem and eventually move on.

Last year, I felt something was off with my 9-year-old. As I probed a bit, I noticed that he felt he was being bullied by his own friends. As soon as I got that, I started to tell him about how my friends bullied me in the 7th grade and how I felt. I told him of all the other times I was bullied. The more I shared, the more he opened up about his problem.  So, then we talked about how it frustrating it felt and all the stuff he could do to handle the situation.

It was then I realized that even though I want able to solve the problem for him, he still felt better after just sharing and talking about it. As soon as I told him that I was bullied, I saw a sense of relief in his eyes.

2- Keep them busy; A busy child is a happy child. Get them involved in healthy activities. It can be anything that they enjoy doing. Staying busy will help to take their mind off the problem. It will give them a healthy outlet for their time and energy. The busier they are, the less time they will have to fret and worry about their issue. As time passes, they will give it lesser attention and eventually won’t give it much importance at all.

3- Get involved; An isolated and lonely child may not ask for attention directly or indirectly, in fact, they will probably try to drive others away. This is the time for action. Mothers need to find some mutual interest and spend time with the child. Getting involved in any mutual activity helps to strengthen the mother-child bond. Go shopping, do some gardening together, watch movies, read together, such activities bring children and parents together. It helps their mental well-being. Afterall, There is no support like Mom support.

6-   Be there when it matters

Being there for a child physically and emotionally are two different things. And no doubt it is very difficult for moms to be emotionally and physically present for a child 24/7. Now, both are equally important; but you must understand when a child requires emotional availability as opposed to physical availability. Though physical availability is more obvious; emotional, and Mental availability requires a parent to be actively present in the situation.

Many times, mothers are busy and respond to children without actively listening to them. Being ‘actively’ present requires you to observe, listen, process, and evaluate a child’s behavior and respond accordingly.

Set a time out during the day or the week just for your child. Children should know that ‘THAT’ time is just for ‘THEM’. Be completely present in the moment and avoid all distractions. It can be as simple as having dinner together. Use that time to actively listen to your child and participate in the discussion, so the child knows that you’re interested in their life.

When it comes to physical availability, Research shows that children need to be physically close to parents at certain times of the day. Children are more vulnerable usually in the morning time, when they wake up, and at bedtime, just before they go to bed. This is when children are more likely to open up and share, if upset or bothered. Put everything on pause and be there physically and mentally.

7- Be their safety net:

It is HUMAN to make mistakes. EVERYONE makes them.

If children are punished harshly or strictly reprimanded, they won’t stop making mistakes, but they will stop telling YOU.

So, remember to BE approachable and REMAIN approachable if your child makes a mistake. If the child is ‘too scared’ to tell you when they mess up, they are more likely to get into further trouble, just trying to hide it.  Build a relationship so that ‘No matter what happens’; they feel relieved when they confide in you. I know it’s so hard to stay calm when your favorite decoration piece is destroyed or when they spill an entire plate the second you give it to them, even after you told them to sit still a million times. Trust me, I KNOW.

Just take a long breath… and try to think of a time you did something of the sort when you were little. It kind of helps to remember how afraid you were. So go easy on them.

8-   Communicate:

Communication is key! All the rules, the boundaries, the love, the coaching has no point if it is not clearly communicated. Moms cannot expect children to JUST KNOW WHAT to do and HOW to behave. Children should know the exact protocol to follow in different situations.

They should know:

®   If they screw up, make a mistake, or break something, they should tell you

®   If they get into trouble, how small or serious it may be, they need to contact a parent first and foremost

®   If they need help with something, whether its personal, academic, social or absolutely anything, they can always come to you for help

®   If they have any personal stuff bothering them or just something confusing that they are going through, they can ask you for advice

Communication has many forms. The more a parent communicates, they more chances of a child developing it as a habit. Mothers should share the events their day, their problems, their experiences with their children.

This helps to implant a lot of unspoken rules, do’s and don’ts in children. Listening to a parent’s stories encourages them to share their own stuff as well.

It’s simple;

“If you tell them all about your day, sooner or later they will do the same”

Now read that again!

While communicating with a child a parent must be physically and mentally present in the moment.

9-   Be nice!

Yes mommies! Although small, but this has a huge impact. Moms have A LOT going on and with a million tiny things going on, it is easy to lose control of the situation and over-react when it comes to children. Children are extremely observant and take notice of every little expression, every word, every sigh, and every eye roll a parent might display unconsciously. Children tend to pick up on these cues and exhibit it themselves when faced with similar frustrating situations. Parents are often left wondering how the child might have learned such behaviors without realizing the source. So be nice, be polite, be the person you want them to be.