- It is Richie's birthday, and he's planning a big party for all his friends, Eddie's friends and loads of women. However, Richie has an accident whilst putting up the decorations and breaks his leg and ends up in a wheelchair. Only Eddie's mates Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog show up at the party, and Richie learns he has no friends, and decides not to let his being in a wheelchair ruin his birthday.—Daniel Williamson
- It's Richie's birthday and he's showing off his cards to Eddie, Eddie points out all the cards are fakes written by Richie himself, he happens to recognize an unopened one as a Christmas Card from Abba in 1973. Richie says Eddie is still upset about when he accidentally ruined Eddie's birthday party when he got ill and ordered a cancellation.
Eddie knows that too was faked, Richie just painted his face green and ate a tin of curry powder. Richie finally tells Eddie how he feels about him, it's overwhelmingly negative, Eddie apologizes and Richie makes him write "I'm sorry I'm a twat." ten times. Eddie literally writes "I'm sorry I'm a twat, ten times." Richie forgives him begrudgingly and invites him to his birthday party. Eddie had other plans tonight with his friends, Richie says they can come too. Richie remembers he hasn't had his present yet, Eddie hands him a very small gift, it's Richie's own comb, Richie demands better, Eddie gets another present, the remote control. Richie nearly gets violent when Eddie offers another present, a piece of paper reading: "Madame Swish, 3:30."
Richie mistakes it for a prostitute, but it's actually a horse. Eddie asks for £20 to bet with.
Later Richie is up a step ladder putting up Christmas decorations on his birthday when Eddie returns, the horse won, Eddie gives £1 to Richie as his winnings, Richie realizes he gave Eddie two tenners and he's owed another pound, Eddie throws it to him and Richie falls off the step ladder severely breaking his leg, he's rushed to hospital.
They return home with Richie's leg in a cast and he's confined to a wheelchair, it's nearly time for Richie's party. No-one shows, Richie wants to kill himself and he asks Eddie to retrieve some razor blades. The doorbell rings and Richie answers to find two unknown men there, they're looking for Eddie, who lets them in, they all go to the living room for a drink, Richie demands to know their names, Eddie introduces them as his friends, Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog.
Richie goes to the landing to see for his friends, nobody is there. He instead chooses to celebrate with Eddie and his friends, he suggests playing Sardines, he can't get upstairs to hide in the landing cupboard, so the others have to lift him up, they return downstairs, count to ten and spend the evening in front of television with drinks.
Five hours later, Richie tries to leave and skis down the stairs into the bathroom breaking his other leg, he's sent back to hospital. Eddie has invited everyone from the pub round to the party, Eddie is impersonating Richie for laughs when Richie wheels in, Eddie says they're his friends but it's Richie's party, Richie makes his presence known in all the wrong ways, namely stealing other men's lovers, one such man advises giving him the bumps, all the men lift Richie and throw him into the air breaking his casts.
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